Book Review – Duck on a Bike by David Shannon

duckonabikeI like to recommend books that not only the little ones can enjoy, but also the person who will be doing the reading. Because, as you know, you might be reading it again and again and again! So, it had better be good.

This time around, the book is Duck on a Bike by David Shannon. Shannon is the author of the David series of books and has a bunch more to his credit. He is a wonderful illustrator and author and this 40 page book lives up to his reputation. It involves a duck in a farmyard that steals a bike and goes all around the farm seeing all his animal friends.

The illustrations are AMAZING and the page with all the animal on it, I won’t tell you why they are on it, is awesome. The look on their faces cracks me up every single time I read it, which is a lot. So for a nice book that is short and you will get a kick out of, check it out.

Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned From Return of the Jedi

While watching Return of the Jedi the other day, I noticed how much their universe relates to ours. Darth Vader could be a grouchy dad with disobedient kids and Princess Leia a spoiled brat. C-3PO is the know-it-all kid, yours or the one next door, that is always complaining about something and always has an answer to your questions. With that in mind, I present some quotes from the movie relating to situations in the world of parenting.

VADER: The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation.
And neither will your father when he gets home.

VADER: That is correct, Commander. And he is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress.
So clean up the damn living room already!

NINEDENINE: You’re a feisty little one, but you’ll soon learn some respect.
But probably not until they are 35 years old.

JABBA: Soon you will learn to appreciate me.
Again, only when they are 35.

YODA: Hmm. That face you make. Look I so old to young eyes?
So I didn’t know what Twitter was, give me a break!

YODA: No more training do you require. Already know you that which you need.
Except how to do a keg stand. But now that they are leaving for college, don’t fool yourself, they will learn it.

LUKE: Search your feelings, father. You can’t do this. I feel the conflict within you.
So please let me borrow the car!

Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned From The Empire Strikes Back

While watching The Empire Strikes Back the other day, I noticed how much their universe relates to ours. Darth Vader could be a grouchy dad with disobedient kids and Princess Leia a spoiled brat. C-3PO is the know-it-all kid, yours or the one next door, that is always complaining about something and always has an answer to your questions. With that in mind, I present some quotes from the movie relating to situations in the world of parenting.

HAN: All right, don’t lose your temper. I’ll come right back and give you a hand.
Just about anytime your kid is building something that all of sudden breaks the laws of physics and comes crashing down.

HAN: You could use a good kiss!
When your kids try and be cool in front of their friends and refuse to show any affection for you.

HAN: Ooh…I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Umm.. A Diaper?!

ZEV: (into transmitter) Echo Base…I’ve got something! Not much, but
it could be a life form.

Guys, make sure you say this during the first ultrasound.

HAN: How are you feeling, kid? You don’t look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark.
When the kids try and stay home from school claiming to be sick.

THREEPIO: Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication. This signal is not used by the Alliance.
You become amazingly in tune with your children’s cries. So when a bunch of kids are playing elsewhere you can tell which one is screaming and hopefully it isn’t yours so you don’t have to get up and check.

HAN: Droid of some kind. I didn’t hit it that hard. It must have had a self-destruct.
I’m waiting for the boy to say this when he breaks yet another toy.

DACK: Right now I feel I could take on the whole Empire myself.
Pretty much an everyday thought of your children. Especially teenagers.

LEIA: Someday you’re going to be wrong, and I hope I’m there to see it.
The kids will tell you this, but don’t worry, you will always be right.

YODA: How you get so big, eating food of this kind?
“Instead of eating that, I’ll stick to my two bites of mac and cheese.”

LUKE: Hey, you could have broken this. Don’t do that. Ohhh…you’re making a mess. Hey, give me that!
Again, every DAY in your life.

EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
VADER: I have felt it.

A great thing to say when the pregnancy test comes back positive. Or what siblings will say when they learn another kid is on the way.

YODA: No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. Mmm. Mmmmmm.
But why this, why that? Why Daddy, why mommy, why, why, WHY?!?

YODA: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
So eat that last piece broccoli already.

LEIA: I love you!
HAN: I know.

The moment you realize they are all grown up.

VADER: I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.
I’m laughing too hard about this one to write anything. Just say it to your kid one day when you told him something and then changed your mind.

THREEPIO: The city’s central computer told you? Artoo-Detoo, you know better than to trust a strange computer.
MySpace, Facebook, Twitter. You know what they say. On the Internet, boys are boys, girls are men and children are FBI agents.

Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned From Star Wars

While watching Star Wars the other day, I noticed how much their universe relates to ours. Darth Vader could be a grouchy dad with disobedient kids and Princess Leia a spoiled brat. C-3PO is the know-it-all kid, yours or the one next door, that is always complaining about something and always has an answer to your questions. With that in mind, I present some quotes from the movie relating to situations in the world of parenting.

C-3PO: How did I get into this mess? I really don’t know how. We seem to be made to suffer. It’s our lot in life.
This sounds like something Calvin would say to Hobbes after breaking something and being sent to bed without dinner.

LUKE SKYWALKER: But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters.
Power converters, skateboard wheels, the latest GTA. Kids are always going somewhere to pick up something when you need them. Even if they weren’t the second before you asked them to do something for you.

LUKE SKYWALKER: Well, if there’s a bright center to the universe, you’re on the planet that it’s farthest from.
Sounds like your typical teenager to me.

DARTH VADER: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Your response to, “Oh Mom, we are never going to get there in time! Why do you drive so slow?!”

OBI-WAN KENOBI: Mos Eisley Spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Or the corner store. Or that sketchy area of the playground where the kid who already uses deodorant hangs out.

HAN SOLO: Sorry about the mess.
Reminds me of every day of my life.

HAN SOLO: Watch your mouth, kid, or you’re going to find yourself floating home.
Said towards the end of the ubiquitous summer car trip.

SECOND TROOPER: What was that?
FIRST TROOPER: Oh, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.

Replace Second Trooper with “Parent” and First Trooper with “Child”

DARTH VADER: Your powers are weak, old man.
The first day your kid schools you in some sport or game.

HAN SOLO: Great kid! Don’t get cocky.
Your response to the above comment.

And, one more paraphrased quote.
Riding a Big Wheel ain’t like dusting crops, boy.