Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned From The Empire Strikes Back
While watching The Empire Strikes Back the other day, I noticed how much their universe relates to ours. Darth Vader could be a grouchy dad with disobedient kids and Princess Leia a spoiled brat. C-3PO is the know-it-all kid, yours or the one next door, that is always complaining about something and always has an answer to your questions. With that in mind, I present some quotes from the movie relating to situations in the world of parenting.
HAN: All right, don’t lose your temper. I’ll come right back and give you a hand.
Just about anytime your kid is building something that all of sudden breaks the laws of physics and comes crashing down.
HAN: You could use a good kiss!
When your kids try and be cool in front of their friends and refuse to show any affection for you.
HAN: Ooh…I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Umm.. A Diaper?!
ZEV: (into transmitter) Echo Base…I’ve got something! Not much, but
it could be a life form.
Guys, make sure you say this during the first ultrasound.
HAN: How are you feeling, kid? You don’t look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark.
When the kids try and stay home from school claiming to be sick.
THREEPIO: Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication. This signal is not used by the Alliance.
You become amazingly in tune with your children’s cries. So when a bunch of kids are playing elsewhere you can tell which one is screaming and hopefully it isn’t yours so you don’t have to get up and check.
HAN: Droid of some kind. I didn’t hit it that hard. It must have had a self-destruct.
I’m waiting for the boy to say this when he breaks yet another toy.
DACK: Right now I feel I could take on the whole Empire myself.
Pretty much an everyday thought of your children. Especially teenagers.
LEIA: Someday you’re going to be wrong, and I hope I’m there to see it.
The kids will tell you this, but don’t worry, you will always be right.
YODA: How you get so big, eating food of this kind?
“Instead of eating that, I’ll stick to my two bites of mac and cheese.”
LUKE: Hey, you could have broken this. Don’t do that. Ohhh…you’re making a mess. Hey, give me that!
Again, every DAY in your life.
EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
VADER: I have felt it.
A great thing to say when the pregnancy test comes back positive. Or what siblings will say when they learn another kid is on the way.
YODA: No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. Mmm. Mmmmmm.
But why this, why that? Why Daddy, why mommy, why, why, WHY?!?
YODA: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
So eat that last piece broccoli already.
LEIA: I love you!
HAN: I know.
The moment you realize they are all grown up.
VADER: I am altering the deal. Pray I don’t alter it any further.
I’m laughing too hard about this one to write anything. Just say it to your kid one day when you told him something and then changed your mind.
THREEPIO: The city’s central computer told you? Artoo-Detoo, you know better than to trust a strange computer.
MySpace, Facebook, Twitter. You know what they say. On the Internet, boys are boys, girls are men and children are FBI agents.